If you don’t have a solution for the negative— focus on the positive. Things do often work themselves out.
Believe in the fantasy
Love the misery
Long for stability
Well… I wonder what the elderly are thinking…
Pain is a part of the complete human experience. Accepting that and being able to keep moving forward is a sign of growth— maturity.
It’s interesting how somebody could get you so high…
High as a mountain
Or at least as high as the worlds first documented skyscraper.
So high that everything is seen from a new prospective
And you can’t help but enjoy it,
You’re trying things you never would have otherwise.
You’re having conversations that you hate must end.
You’re so high that when you look down;
You know when you look down, it’ll bring a hurting like death if you were to fall.
Because just as high as that somebody got you—
That same somebody can drag you low.
Low like the cleavage in the mountains of Rwanda
Or somewhere crushed between the deepest water of the Pacific.
How is this possible?
Loving somebody more than you love yourself.
I suppose euphoria can be just as dangerous as any drug.
Because once you come down,
All you want to do is go back up!
And if you really felt it…
I mean undoubtedly felt it.
You’ll do anything to get there again.
Surround yourself with people
Smile a little bigger,
Laugh a little louder,
Run a little farther,
While you’re alone.
It’s back to the couch
(Flat on my belly in bed with a book is my sweet spot)
All an attempt to pacify the loneliness—
Scrolling through pictures,
Then comes the gaggle of questions your subconscious tackles you with during this aggressively murky depression.
You look to your phone for distraction…
Somebody is texting you!
But, not that somebody you feel needs too…
What happens though… I’m begging!? When you don’t have the solution to these equations– one could never stay high enough and tears just aren’t enough.
You’re probably expecting me to comb through this and somehow come up with a cleaver new way to say “time heals all wounds.” But why mess with a perfect cliche?
what I do know is: in time, if a wound goes improperly treated, infection sets in.
I’m not the type to get my heart broken.
I’m not the type to get upset and then cry.
I never leave my heart open.
It never hurt me to say goodbye.
Relationships don’t get deep to me
Never got the whole in love thing
And someone could say, “I love you truly.”
But at the time it didn’t mean a thing
I said, “Yes!” to many things.
I encouraged a challenge–
In the beginning.
I said things like:
Although, in the moment I didn’t quite understand it.
Without protest, my taking the backseat
Meant keeping you around
For more than the possibility of physical intimacy.
I thought to myself,
“Things would never be going this well had I not decided to be more like someone else.
More… take your mind out of it— keep saying, yes, to anything.
No matter how debilitating.
Because otherwise you’d never love me.”
I’d hate to overwhelm someone with my insecurities.
Cynical of me to think
Bonds are made to be broken
Things that were right side up eventually get turned upside down
Jaded phrases but nothing in nature has turned me around
And at this point in my life
Through all my struggle and all my strife
I don’t mind
The sun comes up
And it will go down
I know understand hearts will inevitably break
I’m tried of carrying the weight of forever
I want to live in the moment just enjoy our time
I don’t want to loss my focus each time a promise is broken
I can’t bare to cry my heart out again pushing for things to be right as rain
I’m tired of waiting on forever
Just strike your match and throw it at me
I’m a stream of gasoline
No body but you has ever…
And you promised me…
Why did I ever— believe…