I don’t know where you’ve gone, but I know that you have left me.
There was a rippling in the water of the lake we once lived beside. And so naive as a child, I only assumed this something beautiful was caused by the pull of the wind.
We have had our troubles for a great length of time now, and the illusion of a love we would have liked to have for one another could not become real.
You were once my vessel, my spirit grew within yours. And in an assumption made from a view of history, is that you would have to love me unconditionally.
You never…
hesitated to tell me when I was wrong and you barely ever bristled any time you shouted you hated me.
For nearly 37 weeks we lived in that house together, and I alone swam in that lake. There was no bound formed and I can not recall hearing your voice, speaking to me while I was there.
But, I do remember how uneasy my heart felt when you said I was nothing you ever expected to give birth to or with such a disappointment you said I reminded you of my drug addled father, a man, a man who was abusive physically.
I could ask the cliche questions; how could a mother say that to her child. And follow with, all of everything I am is half of who she is…
I don’t know where you went, but I do know that you have gone. The lake beside our house has been still for far too long.
We have faced such tumultuous tragedies, some of them caused by the other; You beating me until my head would bleed, and I was so angry I urinating on dinner as it thawed in the kitchens sink.
I do not know where you have gone, but I know that I am very tired.
I am still crying out to you, I suppose I am still a child, unsure if my voice would carry across the once rippling lake.
How dare it be who’s the one to turn that something beautiful into something horribly grey.
I do not know where you have gone, but I am now understanding that it was long ago and without farewell you left.
I sit on the porch of the home where we lived hoping you’ll come back before the sun say goodnight to our half of the world.
I think you’ve given up on us,
I think I am just giving up…
All I did was blink and the lake once with water overflowing was suddenly a bed of dust.

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